While you’re waiting…

Catch me in the Theatre District Milton Keynes all day tomorrow plus the Main Stage in Middleton Hall and on the Fringe Stage at Midsummer Place from about 1pm.  I will also be by “the statues” outside the Theatre and Milton Keynes Art Gallery and you’ll also see my poems and work written all over the pavements around The MK Theatre District.

Specially for my fellow bloggers here’s one of my poems currently not on the website (note to Americans – me being an Englishman obviously means that “pants” here refers to underpants/knickers/undercrackers).

Sock monster

(with apologies to Dr. Seuss)
Give back my pants you evil swine,
give the pants back, the pants are mine.
I’ve got none left but the woolly pants
and they are the itchy ones that itch like ants.
I’ve got eight socks and they are all odd
except for the two with the holes, you sod pig,
and the pair with flowers that make me look gay ghey,
give my pants back, give them back today.

What do you do with my underwear,
when you snaffle my pants to your secret lair?
Do they sit on your head like a panty hat
or do you cuddle them in bed like a panty cat?
do they fly on a pole like a panty flag?

Do you think it’s funny to take just one of each?
Do you stretch them out as towels on monster beach?
Or do you go to visit sock monster camp
and sleep in my sock
and stay out of the damp?
I’ve been searching high and low,
I’m ten minutes late and I’ve got to go.
Give my socks back, don’t you care?
I can’t go out with one foot bare!


5 thoughts on “While you’re waiting…

  1. Lots of people laughed at it – it was written on the pavement right between two nightclubs and a couple of bars.

    I will put the audio up on the site soon (plus the poems like “winemouse” and “sockmonster” which are not on there yet).

    p.s. Note the editing I had to make so it was more family-friendly. The spelling “ghey” is a peculiarity of Milton Keynes although I have seen it elsewhere. I have in the past used “fey” to avoid offence but that’s not such a common word and nobody else seemed to understand what I meant – feel free to make suggestions for inoffensive rhymes for “today” that make sense in context. 🙂

  2. It seemed very popular. 🙂

    “Not my baby” provoked by far the best reactions with several people crying and one woman (slightly scarily) saying she’d not been able to stop crying all evening the previous day and had come back to hear me perform it again. I checked her for concealed weapons..just in case..

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