Things that have happened to me in the last week in connection with “dooin computa stuff fer peeple”.
I wrote, on a customer’s visit report, after driving for two and a half hours to get there: “System destroyed by squirrels“. This was factually correct.
Job ticket #17168:
Colleague: Ian, any chance you can sort this problem for me now, only I need it done and I’ve been waiting since yesterday morning.
Ian: [checks job ticket – “Move J’s monitor/screen to new position in the office”] Yep, no problem, I can do it now. Where do you want the monitor moving to?
Colleague: Can you move it so it’s in the middle of my desk?
Ian surveys monitor, which on the right of the desk, pauses, then contemptuously sweeps pile of papers from main body of the desk ‘accidentally’ onto floor with hand and drags monitor from the right-hand side of the desk to the middle of the desk. Total distance of move: 6 inches. Time to complete move: 11.5 seconds including annoyed snorty sniffing sound.
Ian: How’s that?
Colleague: Er, perfect, much better. Is that all I needed to do then?
Ian: [growling] Yes. [Walks out, appreciable flounce in footsteps].